Miaow There! Read online

  We sat there for a short while and then a nice looking girl, who had been walking around giving drinks to people, approached us with a big smile! “Oh, hello Violetta!” said Sheila, “how good to see you again, how are you?” They hugged each other. “It’s a latte with Amoretto, isn’t it?” said Violetta with an even bigger grin. She went off and soon returned with Sheila’s drink. “We’ll catch up on the news later” she said, “when I’m not so busy! Sheila smiled and sat back savouring her drink, but we didn’t remain there for very long as both of us were feeling tired after our long day. As soon as we got back to the stateroom, I nipped outside and performed in my litter igloo, washed my paws and face and retired into my comfy bed. Sheila took off her evening outfit and busied herself tidying the stateroom and seeing to the litter igloo. “That’s it” she remarked, sitting on the sofa and pressing the little gadget that starts up the moving picture box, “I’m just going to catch the news and then it’s bed for me too”. A few minutes later and I had all but nodded off... but I was rudely awakened by that horrendous gushing water sound and saw Sheila coming out of the non bathroom. That noise was the the one thing I’d not liked about the ship so far! She went to her bed and smiled as she picked up the chocolate Pedro had left, but wasn’t smiling when she turned to me with the ragged turtle in her hand. I got a sharp telling off - which I don’t get from her very often I might say - so I supposed I’d have to forego any future thoughts of claw exercise in the stateroom. Not to worry, I was sure I’d find some other suitable place. My eyes wouldn’t stay open any more... I slept.

  First day at sea

  I was awakened by bright sunlight streaming in through the glass door as Sheila opened the curtains. I heard the rattle of my breakfast crunchy biscuits as she tipped them into my bowl, so after a quick all over stretch and the breakfast soon demolished, outside I went. I could see the sparkling blue water all around us and overhead there were one or two of those large white birds whirling about. I wondered if they’d hitched a ride from Southampton! Morning ablutions over, I strolled inside and saw Sheila had dressed and was ready to go. “Just going to have my breakfast Misty” she said, “I’ll pick you up later.” Off she went so I returned to the balcony and sat down to enjoy a bit of sunshine. Some time later there was a knock at the door and Pedro came in grinning at me. “‘Ere you are Mistee, I ‘av something nice for you” and he dropped a couple of large shrimps in my bowl. I gobbled them up - yummy! I gave him a thank you rub around the ankles and switched on my loudest purr. Swiftly he busied himself around the stateroom and in no time the big bed was made, the non bathroom cleaned, and everywhere looked spotless. Mind you, I have to say that Sheila hadn’t left anything out of place. Our house in Cornwall is always very orderly and that’s the reason I employ her as my housekeeper! I returned to the balcony once again and just had time for a quick cat nap before she returned. She selected another collar for me, clipped on the lead and said we were going to explore the decks outside. That sounded exciting, so I eagerly followed behind her as once more we made our way to the elevators.

  This time we went upwards with the mystery lady telling us we had arrived at deck fourteen. Leaving the elevator we went outside and I could see rows and rows of chairs with people also enjoying the sunshine. Many seemed to be dressed in rather odd clothes, often brightly coloured and very brief, and in no way flattering to some of the overweight people we passed! I pride myself on being immaculate at all times and my pale grey and white catsuit fits precisely. Sheila also dresses with care and makes sure that nobody (except me!) ever sees her rather fat thighs. I know that in no way would she show off her bare legs to other people so I had no fears that she would embarrass me by dressing like some of the outrageous sights I noticed! As we passed, yes the usual cat comments, and I felt rather like royalty as I accepted many pats on the head. Soon we came to the far end of the deck and I could see a long building with big windows that reached right to the ground. Looking through them, I could see many people who seemed to be running on small roads but not getting anywhere, with others riding bicycles which also didn’t appear to be moving! What a waste of time! We cats would never just stop in one place moving our paws up and down on the spot. I shook my head, you humans do have some weird habits! As we walked by, I could also see some young men with bare chests sitting down and raising their arms up and down, holding things in their paws which appeared heavy. I shook my head - each to his own I guess - but I noticed Sheila looked through the windows at the young men for a few moments. I wonder why?

  Carrying on we suddenly came upon something that looked like a large rock, well more of a mountain really! Sheila looked down at me, “I think you will like this, Misty, it’s the rock climbing wall.” I peered upwards and could see that the wall was filled with little holes and ledges and there were four people wearing bright yellow (that unflattering colour!) round hard hats, and they seemed to be attached to long bits of string whilst very slowly trying to make their way to the top of the wall, using these holes and ledges. I could see a flag at the top waving in the wind. One of those white birds was perched by the flag. Well, the people attempting to climb were certainly taking their time about it, I thought, any competent cat could be up there and down again in a few moments! This lot looked pitiful! Sheila was chatting to a young member of the ship’s crew who was standing at the foot of the wall encouraging the people clinging to its side. He patted me and said that he remembered when Sheila had brought Truffles here before and that she (Truffles, obviously, not Sheila - she couldn’t climb a stepladder!) had climbed up the wall in no time. They were laughing at the memory. He turned to me “Want to have a go Misty?” he said. Why not, I thought, but I’m not having any string tied round me. I can nip up there in no time and catch that bird napping! With this in mind, I jerked the lead out of Sheila’s hand and sprang up at the wall. It was so easy jumping from ledge to ledge, I didn’t know why the people on it were creeping along so slowly. I sped by one man, brushing his shoulder with my tail, and noticed his eyes nearly popped out of his head! “Help!” he cried to his companions, “I’m hallucinating, I’ve just seen a cat go by!” He lost his footing and desperately clung to his piece of string. This stopped the other three right in their tracks, and I had a moment of guilt until I saw them unsuccessfully trying not to laugh at their friend dangling in mid air, but he soon righted himself and I heard him shout out one of those naughty words! A few moments later I reached the top but sadly the commotion below had frightened the bird away. Pity, I would have liked to have seen one close to... maybe I’d get another chance later. It seemed very windy at the top of the wall so as I loathe getting my fur blown about, I nipped back down passing my fellow climbers who only seemed to have moved a few more centimetres on their laborious journey to the top. It’ll be dark before they get there at this rate I thought scornfully. Back on the ground once again, Sheila and the crew member both smiled and he gave me a nice pat. “I think this deserves a lick of ice cream, don’t you, Misty?” said Sheila and so we walked on to where there was a stand with an ice ream machine. She pressed a button and out came some of that so delicious creamy stuff which she caught in two cups, one large for her and one small for me. We strolled over to an empty chair, Sheila sitting on it, me underneath. The sun was lovely and so was the ice cream. I soon dozed off and she was chatting to the people sitting beside her. A bit later on we got up and continued our promenade.

  We next passed by a water pool where several people were splashing about and obviously enjoying themselves. It was amusing to watch and by the side of the pool were some little coloured jets of water that were leaping about and making patterns. I patted them with my paw for a moment or two - pretty gingerly because I didn’t want to get wet - but I couldn’t catch one. I cannot for the life of me think of a more ghastly pastime than swimming! Stupid dogs like swimming, smart cats most certainly do NOT, except for our foreign cousins, the Turkish Van cats. Throw a ball or a stick into water for
a dog and it will run straight in and fetch it, get itself soaking wet (ugh!) and then shake it’s wet fur all over its owner! What pleasure is there in that? The dog then has to be dried off and the owner is probably not best pleased in having his own clothes sprayed with water drops! I guess Sheila must agree with me because I know that she doesn’t swim. I once heard her tell someone that she swam like a stone, though I can’t really say I’ve ever seen a stone swim even in the pond near us at home. And as I mentioned above, if she paraded round a water pool on or a crowded beach wearing a swim suit, inflicting her legs on the unsuspecting public, the place would clear immediately!

  Carrying on round the upper decks, we approached what looked like a small enclosed grassy area with holes in it, each one with a little flag by it. People were walking around this course with long sticks potting little white balls into the holes. Well, this looked a lot better than swimming to me. I looked up at Sheila expectantly. She got the message and we walked up closer. It was good fun to watch and I knew right away that I could easily get the white balls into the holes without the need of a stick. I am well used to patting things about and have a good aim. I hoped we would be able to join in ourselves! My prayer was answered because suddenly two people, who were playing the game with a teenage boy, looked up and Sheila gave a gasp of surprise and greeted them saying “Well, I don’t believe it, Ken, Val I never realised you were coming on this cruise! You told me you were going to Dorset!” The other two burst out laughing and said that they had decided to surprise Sheila by turning up... but they hadn’t expected to see her until in the evening! They all chatted excitedly for a few minutes and then “This is our grandson, Dylan,” said Val, “as you know, Sheila, he is a junior champion golfer and so we thought we’d come up here and let him humiliate us on the putting green! Do you want to join us for a bit?” “Why not” replied Sheila, “and I think Misty here would like to pat a few balls about too!” They all laughed. I don’t know why, I knew I could run rings round all three of them when it came to putting things in holes, though I wasn’t too sure about young champion Dylan’s capabilities! The four of them, all armed with sticks, then walked forward to the start of the course of nine holes. Sheila unclipped my lead and warned me not to run off. As if I would! Well, no I wouldn’t actually, not in unknown territory like this enormous ship, and particularly as it was surrounded by water! In turn they aimed their balls at the first of the holes. Dylan started and his went right in. Val and Sheila followed, Val taking three shots and Sheila five (talk about letting the Cornish team down!) and Ken took a respectable two shots. Then they all turned and looked down at me, smiling to each other. That rather annoyed me - I’ll give them something to smile about, I thought, and right from where we were standing I casually knocked the ball, using my right front paw, straight into the hole! If I had been a human I would have turned around and bowed! There was a shocked silence for a moment and then they all erupted into peals of that horrific noise you humans refer to as ‘laughter’ though to me it sounded more like a pack of our hyena cousins laughing! “Goodness Misty” exclaimed Sheila, “I never thought you had it in you!” Come on, I thought, let’s get on with it then, you ain’t seen nothing yet! So we all continued and at each of the next eight holes Dylan and I took one shot, the others anything from two to five. I don’t have to tell you who was the worst! I was really enjoying myself by now, and sometimes I used my left front paw and sometimes I half turned and used one or other of my back paws, causing both admiring glances and laughs from the other people who were standing around watching. “My goodness,” said one man, “does your cat perform in a circus?” More bursts of laughter! After the last hole, they gave their sticks back to a crew member who had been watching with his eyes on stalks, and sat down on some nearby seats. I curled up under Sheila’s as I was quite tired by this time after my little exhibition, but I was glad I had kept my end up and shown how some cats, like me for example (!) are as good at ball games as dogs are! I do have to reluctantly admit that dogs do usually get one over cats when it comes to chasing and fetching balls, but could they get a hole in one... I doubt it! Anyway, it was nice dozing under the chair as Sheila, Val and Ken caught up with all their news. Dylan patted me and whispered in my ear that there was already a world famous tiger who played golf, so who knows, there might be a cat golfer one day! He giggled to himself and then had gone off to play games with some other young people in something he referred to as a video games arcade... .. what that meant, I have totally no idea! But I didn’t care, I was just having a great time on this lovely ship and now I was relaxing contentedly in the sun (every cat’s favourite pastime) so very shortly I nodded off. It has always been my aim to sleep 22 hours out of 24, but ever since I’ve been on the ship with all the new mind blowing new experiences, I havn’t come anywhere near my goal since we left home!

  I was rudely awakened by Sheila from a dream where I was just on the point of catching one of those white sea birds, so I wasn’t in the best of humours as we set off towards the other end of the deck. Val and Ken must have left whilst I was asleep. Pity, I rather liked them. “Now Misty” said Sheila, “we are coming to something called the FlowRider, but I’m not sure that you will find it your cup of tea!” She laughed. What IS she on about now, I wondered, cups of tea - she knows I don’t drink tea! And what’s a flow rider? Well, I was about to find out! As we approached, I saw several people watching what looked like an enclosed small raging, foaming river where two or three people were taking it in turns attempting to stand on little boards on top of these seething, boiling waves of water! Ah, I thought, perhaps that’s what she meant by cup of tea... maybe the foaming water was used to make tea. How stupid, a kettle is much easier. We edged a bit closer, me keeping carefully out of the way of the spray blowing towards us. “Wow” said Sheila, “I wouldn’t dare do that!” No dear, as you can’t swim, you’d have no chance, and it’s certainly something no sane cat would want to do... still, as I said earlier, each to his own! The people using the FlowRider were obviously having the time of their lives, whooping and shouting and the crowd were cheering if they successfully reached the end of the run, or ooohing if they fell into the raging torrent. I must say it was exciting to watch, rather like watching the final of our local cat tree climbing contest when some of the more daring toms in the area risk life and limb clinging to the thinnest twigs right at the top of the trees. I’ve seen a few nasty falls during that contest, but luckily here nobody who fell into the water hurt anything except their pride.

  A little later we left and, back at the elevators again, we caught one down to deck ten and home. I had a refreshing drink of water and went outside to sit in my sunny corner of the balcony, and Sheila went off to have her lunch somewhere. Having assured myself that no large white bird was lurking in the corner waiting to be captured (well, it seems that dreams rarely do come true!) I lay down, had a nice relaxing ear scratch, then an all over stretch and turned on my sleep mode control... maybe I’d get on the way to my 22 hours sleep!

  Waking up a while later, I went to look through the glass wall out to sea. I have to say it again, but I was blown away by the sight of all this blue water surrounding us. It was something I just never could have imagined in my life. It struck me that there must be a whole new, enormous world outside of our garden in Cornwall and how lucky I was that this cruise company had allowed me to see some of it. As I was sitting daydreaming, I heard the stateroom door open and Sheila came back. She looked pleased with herself and I saw she was carrying a bag from which she produced a teddy bear wearing a nautical vest with the name of the ship on it. Oh dear, I thought, as she kissed him on the nose and sat him on the wall unit, how soppy can you get! “A new friend for you Misty” she smiled, “I’m going to call him Captain.” She disappeared into the non bathroom and I looked gloomily at Captain - he was only the first one she’d succumbed to; I felt he would soon have his own little crew of bears joining him during this trip!

 
Sheila sat down and switched on the picture machine on the wall, staying there watching it for a while as she flicked me over some crunchy treats. Then she got up and fetched my lead. “Come on Misty” she said, “Now I’m going to show you around the upper outside deck. I will be ashore tomorrow and you will have to stay in the stateroom so we will go out now.” Yet more new sights to cram into my day, I thought, whatever next! Down our usual path to the elevators and this time we went up to deck fifteen, according to the unseen lady. As we stepped outside the sun was blinding and really quite hot already. I could see rows and rows of people lounging on their low seats enjoying the sunshine. Everybody we passed seemed in a good mood and several made the usual cat comments and patted me. I have to say I was loving all the attention! A bit of sun cheers everybody up, both human and animal, and makes all the difference doesn’t it? In Cornwall lately it’s been nothing but rain, rain and more rain and the skies have been generally pale grey with just a bit of white showing - exactly the colour of my fur come to think of it!

  We walked past another large water pool, this one had a glass roof over it and even more comfy seats and sofas placed around the edges. There were some pretty coloured water spouts dancing up and down at one end as we passed by, which fascinated me. Sheila thoughtfully stopped and had a chat with some people sitting nearby whilst I attempted to catch one of the water spouts but with no success I’m afraid... Carrying on and up some steps we then came across something that totally bowled me over... GRASS! I blinked, what the... ? But yes it really was REAL grass... GROWING grass! Unbelievable! Sheila smiled and said that she had kept the best till last! We approached said grass and I sank my paws into it, lovely. Oh yes... I lay down and had a lovely roll over. Everyone around laughed! I could see that people were in groups, some playing on the grass with balls, others sitting in wicker chairs by the side of it drinking those naughty cocks’ tails and even a few sitting on the grass with baskets containing bottles of that red and white stuff you also like to drink, plus cheeses and other interesting looking titbits. I love cheese. Maybe if I encouraged Sheila to walk over towards them, I could grab a piece. I was in luck as suddenly a couple recognised Sheila and called us over. “Oh, hi Petra and Graham” said Sheila, “Great to see you again... how are you keeping?” She sat down and I immediately sidled up to Petra - she looked as if she liked cats! I was right because Sheila introduced me and told me Petra and Graham had known Truffles and had read her books! Good, I thought, I will be able to have a nice rest here on the grass whilst they are all talking. I looked up at Petra and then pointedly at her piece of cheese and, yes, it worked because she gave me some bits which I eagerly devoured and then, with her stroking my back... oh so soothing to a cat... I soon dozed off on the comfortable grass.