Miaow There! Read online

  After Sheila’s puffing had ceased, she picked up the bottle of bubbly stuff that had been on the table and, wrapping its top in one of those fluffy rags I had noticed in the bathroom that wasn’t a bathroom, she then spent about five minutes twisting it about trying to get its top off. What a performance I thought - it seems much easier to open a milk carton! Eventually with a sound rather like a damp firework (one of those frightening things to we cats!) the top of the bottle shot out and bounced off the wall. I fielded it neatly and had a pleasant few minutes knocking it around the stateroom floor whilst Sheila busied herself wiping up the splashes from the table and filling her glass. “Come on Misty” she said, “we’re about to leave now.” She walked over to the glass door leading to the balcony and I followed, a trifle nervously. Once outside she sat down on one of the long seats and I sat looking through the glass wall. All of a sudden a very loud hoot, that made me jump, came from the ship and I could see that very slowly we seemed to be moving! The sun glimmered and shimmered on the water below, making me feel quite light headed for a few moments until I became accustomed to it, but after a while it felt very relaxing. I could hear the sound of people’s voices that seemed to be coming from above and also music. Everyone certainly seemed to be very happy! And so was I... We both sat there for about half an hour or so watching the port of Southampton disappearing behind us, and I was also fascinated by all the seagulls that were temptingly flying past us. We get a few of these noisy birds at home but nothing like so many as were around us here. “Now” said Sheila, “it’s nearly time for your dinner, Misty, so I’ll give it to you now but after today I’ll be able to order whatever food and treats you want from room service and Pedro will bring it for you.” Sounds good I thought. I found that I was feeling pretty hungry after all the excitement of the day, so when she put down a dish of sliced turkey in gravy (and not an ‘own brand’ tin either!) I wolfed it right down. Feeling full and comfortable, I curled up on my comfy cushion, now moved inside, and very shortly slipped into sleep mode, only waking when Sheila, now wearing a much dressier outfit, came and patted me, saying she was going for her own dinner now. Leaving the glass door open a bit so I could reach the litter igloo if required, off she went. Sleep overcame me once more!

  The first evening on board

  I was suddenly awakened by a knock and the noise of the stateroom door opening. I leapt off the cushion and ran under the bed. Peeping out I could see two legs walk past and a voice said “Ello Mistee - where are you?” I breathed a sigh of relief, it was OK, I recognised Pedro’s strange accent, the likes of which I had never heard before in Cornwall. I came out of my hiding place and he patted me. I rubbed myself round his ankles and switched to purr mode. I was going to make sure I kept in his good books (one of your quaint human expressions I believe) so that he’d give me lots of lovely treats! I rearranged myself on my cushion again watching him as he walked around the stateroom turning down the covers and removing the fancy cushions from the top of Sheila’s bed, propping them up on the back the sofa. Handy, I thought, I’ll try them out for comfort later! I heard the sound of water flowing and him moving things about in the non bathroom, and finally he came out with one of the fluffy white rags and deftly folded it into what looked like a turtle, leaving it on top of the bed together with a couple of chocolates... .. I know that Sheila spends a lot of time eating chocolates so I knew she’d definitely be pleased to find these when she got back!

  “Well Mistee” said Pedro smiling, “what ‘av I got for you ‘ere I wonder!” He felt in his pocket (Oh I wish I had a handy pocket!) and produced two lovely fat pink shrimps! Wow! I swiftly got off the cushion, switching up the purr a notch, and sat looking up at him expectantly. He dropped them at my feet, gave me a final pat, said he’d see me tomorrow and disappeared out of the door. Well, I could get used to this lifestyle! If this was what cruising was like, I could well see why Sheila enjoys it so much - all the pampering! Something I have to admit that I get from her at home, but I know she doesn’t really get any! I savoured the shrimps for several seconds before they slid deliciously down my throat, and then after cleaning my whiskers I jumped up on the bed to investigate the fluffy white turtle. Mmmmm, it felt very nice so I flexed my claws on it for three minutes or so. Somehow at the end of this soothing exercise the turtle looked rather ragged but I hoped that Sheila wouldn’t notice. Next, I investigated the cushions on the sofa but being rather shiny and slippery, they didn’t, in fact, feel as cosy as my own furry cushion. So, after popping out to the litter igloo outside, I returned to my cosy corner and dozed off again, dreaming of shrimps, turkey and all manner of other goodies which I fully intended to sample over the next two weeks.

  I have no idea when Sheila came back but I was awoken by her smoothing the top of my head and telling me to get up as we were going for a walk around. She had enjoyed her dinner and had some nice people sitting at her table. She had also been somewhere called the Martini Bar and had had a couple of nice cocktails there. Cocks’ tails? Mmmm, they sounded rather appetising to me, I love chicken! Following a leisurely all over stretch and a pleasant scratch, after my rejuvenating sleep I felt up to anything so I watched and waited whilst she disappeared into the non bathroom again, when I heard the horrendous flushing water sound that I supposed I would get used to after a few more days. Coming out she preened herself in front of the looking glass and added some more of that shiny pink stuff she puts on her lips. Ugh, definitely something I wouldn’t fancy on my lips, but then, they are pink enough already and my collars usually tone nicely with them and my nose too! However, on this occasion I saw Sheila pick out a very snazzy silver, not pink, sparkly collar - that I’d never seen before - from my bag, and as she put it on me she told me that we would both be ‘dressing up’ in the evenings. Well I am all for that, no chance to do that where we live in Cornwall! So, matching sparkly lead clipped on, off we went...

  We strolled along the passageway and I saw that the pretty little green lights were not lit up any more. Pity, I thought they looked nice. We arrived at the elevators and there were several other people chatting and waiting there. As we approached them, a bit of a silence fell and I preened myself and acknowledged their smiles and surprised expressions. Sheila again explained how come she had a cat with her! This was beginning to get a bit tedious I thought, but hopefully once people got used to seeing me around the ship, they wouldn’t look so surprised... but I have to say, I did rather like being the centre of attention! We got into one of the elevators, and once again I couldn’t see where the mysterious lady who announced the deck levels was hiding! At any rate, Sheila and I got out at deck number four. I enjoyed the ride and looking out of the glass walls of the elevator I could see a large REAL tree hanging in mid-air in a large pot as we passed swiftly downwards. Baffling! All the trees at home stick out of the ground, they don’t float in the air! Another sight to remember!

  Then the sights and sounds became really exciting and confusing for me! Leaving the elevator, Sheila led me towards what looked like a bridge made of glass bricks - and coloured lights showed through it. “Come on Misty” said Sheila, “we’re going to walk over this bridge and then ahead there is the shopping street where I must try not to be too tempted!” She laughed to herself. Well dear, I thought, I know that you can shop for England so your friends all say, but they won’t tempt me because I don’t have any money! I can never understand you humans and your money... most of you seem to moan that you havn’t got any, and then when you DO get some, you go and give it all away to the shops! The shopkeepers must be rubbing their paws with glee! We approached the glass bridge and I shrank a bit closer to Sheila’s leg as it looked a little scary and slippery. Once we were on it, though, I realised it wasn’t frightening at all and a novel experience to be able to see underneath where you were walking. I looked down and could see more people walking on the deck below and there was nice catchy mewsic coming from some jolly looking men wearing big hats in what Sheila
pointed out to me was a Salsa Bar. Arriving at the end of the bridge, we started to wander along the street. People looked at us, needless to say, but all their comments were nice and all sorts of people patted me... I felt like a film star!

  The first shop we passed was one of those frothy coffee places she likes - I guessed she’d be visiting that tomorrow! Next to that was a general store selling all sorts of stuff like chocolates (oh dear, Sheila!) and bottles of those coloured sickly drinks you like, and after that there were lots of shops selling those sparkly things you wear round your necks and on your arms and paws, those little bags you carry in all different shapes and colours (oh Sheila, you told a fib when you said you hoped you wouldn’t be tempted... dream on!) and everything else you could think of. I noticed a shop selling little teddy bears. I sighed, she’d definitely be buying one or two more to add to her collection at home that I have to live with. She brings them back from all her travels. I sometimes think we have a private bear zoo at home. We next came to one of those drinking places where you like to meet up (pubs I think you call them) called The Dog and Badger. My goodness me, I hoped there weren’t any dogs and badgers about. I pressed even closer to Sheila’s leg as we passed here! Then glancing across to the other side of the road, I had an even bigger shock! Parked outside another little drinking and snacking place was a bright blue painted motor machine! Surely these didn’t drive around on ships! But it wasn’t going anywhere I soon realised as it wasn’t making the roaring noise that I suppose makes it move - it seemed to be just there for show and, I blinked, two giant teddy bears were sitting in it! People were taking pictures of the bears in the motor machine and everyone was laughing! Before I realised what was happening, Sheila picked me up, sat me on one of the bears and took my photo too! Roars of laughter from the people around us!

  Reaching the end of the street, we started down the opposite side and really there was so much that I just couldn’t take it all in. My head was whirling with everything I had seen during today, more than I could ever imagine or had ever seen in my entire life! We passed another place selling drinks and things that Sheila called pizzas... heaven alone knows what they were! Next was a shop that seemed full of little bottles and boxes. A sickly sweet smell hung in the air - ugh! Sheila stopped here and steered me in through the doorway. She picked up two or three of the little bottles and sniffed them appreciatively telling the assistant she’d probably be in there tomorrow to buy some. I sincerely hoped she wouldn’t bring me with her as the overpowering sweet smells were making me feel quite nauseous!

  Not soon enough for me, we left the shop and I gulped in some fresh air. Ooh, that felt good! I felt Sheila quickening her pace, “Mustn’t be too long here, Misty” she said, “ as it’s nearly time for the show.

  What’s a ‘show’? I wondered. Carrying on we next passed a shop that seemed to be filled with those little time telling machines that you humans wear on your paws. We don’t need such things. I can tell the time in three different ways: by the sun, by the moon and by my tummy! After the time shop we came across a much more useful place, I thought, selling ice creams. I rather like the odd lick of an ice cream, particularly chocolate flavour, though I wish some cat loving human would invent mouse flavoured ice cream! I saw that this shop, Sheila called it an ice cream parlour, was called Ben and Jerry’s. Should have been Tom and Jerry’s shouldn’t it? We were nearly at the end of the street now and next was one of those places where you male humans have your face fur and head fur cut off. Stupid habit. Finally we passed by a shop selling clothes you wear to do sports and outdoor pursuits. I noticed Sheila never even glanced through its window... well, as she thinks the only form of exercise she needs is walking around inside shops, I could see how it wouldn’t appeal! We were now back at the glass bridge again, and I have to admit that it was hard trying to get my head around all that I had seen on this ship. I was buzzing, really I was! My life has been confined to one house and one garden, plus a few sorties into the neighbours’ gardens - this ship was a whole new world. And now we were going to a ‘show’... what was that going to be? Up we went in the elevator to deck five, and no I still couldn’t see the lady who told us when we got there! After what seemed quite a long walk, we came to the theatre, where Sheila said the ‘show’ would be held. I wondered what would happen next...

  “Now Misty” Sheila said, “you’re very lucky that I am taking you into the theatre. I’m pretty sure that no cat has ever been in here before - except perhaps Puss in Boots” (she laughed to herself) What on earth was she talking about now, I wondered, she does drift off at times! Anyway, in we went and she sat down on a high chair in front of a wide ledge, rather like a bar in one of those pubs I mentioned earlier, and sat me on the ledge. Looking around me and downwards I could see rows and rows of seats... wherever I looked there were seats and more seats! People were coming in and gradually filling up all these seats. Everyone was sitting looking towards what looked to me like a large square bit of floor (I learnt later it is known as a stage) with long curtains behind. To be honest, it didn’t look particularly exciting. Rather puzzled, I looked up at Sheila who smiled and said “In a minute you will hear some lovely music and there will be people singing and dancing, and all sorts of nice things to watch. You know you like listening to music, Misty!” Well, yes I have to say I do like your mewsic, better - to be honest - than our local cats’ chorus which meets on our neighbour’s wall every Friday night. “And”, she continued, “We have a special treat tonight because a good friend of mine, Peng Fei, who comes from China, is going to perform and he does all sorts of wonderful things on the stage, but tonight he is doing his famous face changing show.” Well this really “purrplexed” me! I stared up at her in amazement. Firstly, I assume that if Peng Fei is from china, he must have to take great care of himself in case he breaks. And, secondly, how can he change his face? However, Sheila was busily looking around the theatre, so I kept pondering. A few minutes later another unseen voice from above told people they must switch off their phones (those irritating little boxes that you are for ever speaking into) and that they mustn’t take flash photos, they mustn’t do this and they mustn’t do that and that the show would start in a few minutes. Sheila smiled. “That’s Michael’s voice” she said. “keeping us all in order!” Come to think of it, the voice did sound vaguely familiar, yes it was the smiley man we had met when we first came on board. Suddenly the lights got dimmer and dimmer until there were none except those shining on the stage. Of course, with my cat’s eyes, although it was dark I could still see all the people in the seats quite clearly... so anybody who gets up to any mischief, watch out, Misty’s about!

  The curtains opened and a burst of mewsic came from a large group of humans holding all manner of instruments. A band I think you call them. It was wonderful! The mewsic I enjoy comes out of a box at home, but this was amazing and something you could really watch. I sat up eager not to miss anything. After the mewsic ended, everybody clapped their paws together and a lady dressed in a very colourful yellow and green outfit came on to the stage. She was wearing the highest heeled yellow paw covers (sorry, you call them shoes!) I have ever seen. I reckon I could have crawled underneath them! “That’s Sue the Cruise Director” whispered Sheila,” she has the most wonderful shoes!” Well dear, I thought, wishful thinking in your case - you’d never be able to walk in them! Sue was welcoming everyone and telling them about things that were going to be happening on the ship... too much for me to bother even trying to understand... and then she waved her arm and a troupe of very glamorous young girls came on with some hunky young men and they all sang and danced around while the band played. At the end everyone was clapping and whistling. Next Sue brought a man on and he was speaking to everyone but every few seconds people were laughing at him. Poor soul. He must have felt awful. I don’t know what he was talking about but they obviously thought it was funny. How embarrassing for him. Still, at the end of it he seemed cheerful enough! Fina
lly Sue came on and announced Sheila’s friend Peng Fei. How was he going to change his face I wondered!

  The band was now hidden behind the curtains and some other rather strange sounding mewsic started up. After a moment or two I got used to the unusual soulful twanging sounds and it became rather soothing to listen to. All of a sudden a person appeared dressed in flowing robes and with a strange mask like headdress. He twirled here and there, waved his arms and legs about and then swiftly turned around and, wow, his head looked totally different. I blinked. My eyes are very sharp, but I did NOT see the change! This happened at least another eight or nine times. I felt totally Misty-fied (excuse the pun!) and it was really wonderful to watch. At the end, the young man’s real face was finally uncovered and all the people clapped very loudly and many of them stood up. “Well”, said Sheila, “I feel so proud of Peng Fei. He is amazing and, Misty, he does a lot more things than face changing which you will see later, and I am honoured to be his friend.” She picked me up off the ledge and we joined the crowd of people leaving the theatre.

  Walking along deck five we came across another frothy coffee lounge, rather more elegant than the one on the shopping street below, and Sheila sat down at a table, with me underneath it. From my hidey hole under the table I could see several people sat around drinking all manner of coffee and chocolate drinks and even the stuff that I know Sheila is not keen on herself, tea. I also noticed that at the far end was another ice cream place, though this was called a Gelateria. Sounds rather posh I thought... I’m definitely going to get Sheila to let me sample some of that!