Miaow There! Read online

  Title Page

  MIAOW THERE!

  IT’S MISTY AT SEA!

  The SEAquel to All at Sea with Truffles

  By

  Sheila Collins

  Foreword by Ann Widdecombe

  Publisher Information

  First published in 2014 by Apex Publishing Ltd

  12A St. John’s Road, Clacton on Sea, Essex

  CO15 4BP, United Kingdom

  www.apexpublishing.co.uk

  Please email any queries to Chris Cowlin

  [email protected]

  Digital edition converted and distributed by

  Andrews UK Limited

  www.andrewsuk.com

  Copyright © 2014 Sheila Collins

  The author has asserted her moral rights

  Cover photo: Sheila Collins

  Cover design: Hannah Blamires

  All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition, that no part of this book is to be reproduced, in any shape or form. Or by way of trade, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser, without prior permission of the copyright holder.

  About the Author

  Sheila Collins was born and brought up in Croydon. She attended Selhurst Grammar School and then went on to Croydon Technical College where she completed a one year secretarial course. During the years that followed, Sheila held various secretarial/PA posts at managerial and directorial levels in London, with a brief spell in Bournemouth, before moving to Cornwall to enjoy a slower pace of life. In recent years, Shelia she has combined two of her greatest passions; writing and cats and dogs, and she is the author of the successful Truffles’ Diaries series and several other books relating to pets. Sheila holds a diploma in cartooning and illustrating, a skill that she puts to good use. She lists her pleasures in life as the three Cs; cats, cruising and chocolate ... in no particular order! Miaow There! It’s Misty at Sea is Sheila’s ninth published book.

  Author’s Note

  Millions of us love cruising, not least myself! My previous book on the subject (“All at Sea with Truffles”) looked at cruising in a humorous way through a cat’s eyes (!) when my cat, Truffles, provided us with her observations and comments. Some of you may have also read her previous Truffles’ Diaries books! However, now that Truffles is up there in that big cat basket in the sky, her successor, Misty, has also decided to enlighten us with her views on one of our most popular forms of holidaying. As in Truffles’ book, Misty’s fictional cruise ship is a composite of two of my favourite ships and those of you who have travelled on either will recognise what she describes! I have ‘combined’ the two so that there is every possible facility on board for her to view! Misty has a completely different personality from Truffles so she has tended to look at different activities on board etc. Whatever, she and I hope this book will raise a smile or two!

  Foreword

  Alas! Truffles is with us no more but Misty is carrying on the tradition of giving us the cat’s eye view. This time that view is of the seas as, inspired by the adventures of the late Truffles, Misty sets sail.

  The staff are captivated and produce shrimps, the passengers smile and Misty enjoys the new experiences, walking along decks, going to shows and accompanying her PA, Sheila, to coffee shops. But she is a cat and prefers to sleep in purring bliss while Sheila goes ashore. Even the seabirds do not inspire Misty to much action.

  Truffles fans will love this book and will love Misty.

  Ann Widdecombe

  Hello from Misty... may I introduce myself

  Hi folks!

  As my housekeeper and personal assistant, Sheila, has just said, I am now the cat in command of her house in Cornwall, U.K. I remember fat tabby Truffles from when I was a kitten and she told me all about her cruise, so since then I have always wanted to try the experience too! I was very sorry that Truffles passed on, but she is regarded as a celebrity cat author and will certainly be remembered by her human fans, so I am hoping that I will be able to follow in her famous paw prints and also be able to entertain you... well, I will try my best anyway!

  Truffles was a fat, brown striped tabby and - to be honest - quite lazy! I am small, pale grey and white and can move quite fast when I want to. Sheila’s human friends describe me as “petite” and “girly” though I’m not quite sure what they mean by that! I do admit to being rather over the top by washing and grooming my fur perhaps rather too often each day, but I do like to be immaculate at all times. I had a sad start to life before Sheila took me into her home from a cat rescue centre. The people who ran it told her that I was the cleanest and fussiest little cat they had ever had in there! (not sure if that was a compliment or not!) I don’t like wind and rain (either of which make me rush indoors immediately) so sometimes both Sheila and I wonder why on earth we live in Cornwall, where it appears to be windy and rainy nearly all the time! Though we did have a good summer this year thank goodness! I think Sheila wishes she could live on a cruise ship tripping around the globe to sunny places... dream on dear! And yes, though I am fussy about my appearance - well, so is she! For example, I insist that my collars are all pink to match my nose, as I must be colour coordinated. She also seems to be obsessed with colour matching her outfits and bags etc., though in her case she doesn’t wear collars.

  Like Truffles said in her book, cats are not allowed on cruise ships today unlike in the past where all types of ships would automatically have a cat on board to perform rodent control. This was a very good job for a cat! I do believe that nowadays, just on a few ships doing transatlantic crossings, pets can be taken on board, but they are kept separately, except perhaps authorised service dogs, and not allowed to mingle with the other passengers. So Truffles, being a celebrity cat, was honoured that the cruise line agreed for her to come on board as they knew she wanted to look at the very popular human pastime of cruising to write about in her latest book. So they allowed her to visit most places on the ship in order for her to make her catty observations and comments! Since her book came out, it seems lots of you humans have read it and smiled, so it has, hopefully, proved to be a good advertisement for cruising! So as I intend to carry on the tradition she started - of making observations on the, sometimes very strange to a cat, ways of human life - they were also happy to let me come aboard with Sheila on just one of her many trips... to Scandinavia, which I feel must be a fair distance from Cornwall?

  Anyway, let’s get on with the task in hand and I will tell you all about my adventures on the cruise!

  Pre-cruise Preparations

  I was feeling very excited about my forthcoming trip as I have never been anywhere on holiday except to the local cat camp when Sheila has been away cruising. It was also making me feel a little nervous to be going so far away from my safe haven here in Cornwall. It’s sometimes true that home is best, they say, but it can also get a bit boring. As I said above, I am a very... I believe your human term is ‘ladylike’... kind of cat. I’ve not had an adventurous life or been involved in sporty pursuits and rough and tumble situations. I admit I have caught the occasional slug or snail (oooh, nasty!) and one or two spiders, and once a daddy long legs, but I have never managed to catch a bird or mouse. The cats next door probably laugh at me behind their paws, but I could laugh at them now, because I would soon be doing something they certainly could never imagine... cruising!

  A few days before we went, Sheila start
ed her marathon job of packing all her outfits for the cruise. I mean, does one person really need FOUR suitcases! Her excuse, so I hear her tell her friends, is that where we live here in a country area there is just no opportunity to dress up, so all her best togs come out on a cruise ship. She also claims to never wear the same outfit twice on a cruise. Well, I guess I can understand that, because I also do not get the chance to wear many of my own wardrobe of collars! When Sheila visits stores in different countries on her travels, she always brings me home collars and treats that we cannot get around here. So we were both looking forward to swanning around showing off our best outfits!

  So I sat and watched her do, what seemed to me, very hard work in bringing out umpteen different outfits and then selecting twenty eight (yes, it was a fourteen day and night cruise) plus four or five spare sets, then matching each of them with different bags and shoes, and finally deciding which sparkly ornaments to wear around her neck and on her wrists and fingers each day and evening. Phew, what a performance! It must have taken nearly all the day and at the end of it, everything she had decided on was laid out ready for packing the next day. That evening she sat doing her usual pointless activity of sitting watching a large box, while I dozed on her knee. I wondered what was ahead...

  Next morning, Sheila set to with a vengeance and by lunchtime all was neatly folded and packed except for her sparkly stuff. Of course, she paid for her ridiculous extravagance in taking so many things, because she then had to somehow get all the cases down the stairs. I smiled to myself as I watched her panting and puffing and dragging them slowly down, sometimes uttering those words that certainly cats like myself would never utter! Well dear, it’s all your own fault! You could have made do with just one kittybag over your shoulder! However, once getting the cases into the downstairs hall had been accomplished, she recovered from the effort by sinking down on a comfy chair and swigging down a large cup of frothy coffee. I often wonder why she seems to love this stuff and also all those sickly smelling coloured drinks, cocktails - or cocks’ tails I think Truffles called them - when she could just have water, or occasionally healthy milk, like we cats. Mind you, cock’s tails do sound rather tempting as I guess they taste of chicken, and I do like a nice bit of chicken!

  “Right, Misty”, said Sheila, “Now it’s time to do your packing!” So I sat and watched interestedly while she selected several collars, sparkly ones for evening wear and slightly plainer ones for the daytimes. I inherited a rather snazzy nautical collar that Truffles had worn on her cruise, with an anchor pendant, so I was quite looking forward to wearing that sometimes... even though it wasn’t pink! Then Sheila packed the collars, my food and drink bowls, brush and comb, several bags of my cat litter, my litter tray, and one of my beds and a comfy cushion. Since I have lived with her, and after my miserable start in life which I do not wish to talk about, she has spoilt me rotten and so I have several beds, plus my own little sofa and arm chair! I often think that if we had a major disagreement, I could simply pack my own kittybag, take my furniture, move out and get my own apartment! But of course I wouldn’t because I love her dearly... and I know she loves me too (Oh dear, folks, get your violins out!!) Quite recently she even bought me a day bed that looks like a boat. You can see a photo of me in it on the front cover of this book! So now I like to think I have my own little cruise ship too!

  So, now all our packing was done, we could both sit back and look forward to our cruise... me with perhaps a certain amount of trepidation... Sheila with pleasure as she feels that each time she travels

  on this particular ship - and she’s been on it nine times in the past three years - she is welcomed back into her cruising ‘family’. We spent the evening relaxing again, her idly watching the big box, me snoozing as usual, but we were each thinking “Bring it on!”

  Getting Started

  Sheila came into the kitchen, where I have my bed situated under the breakfast bar, and woke me up at the ungodly hour of 6.00am... I wondered how on earth she had managed to drag herself out of her own bed at that time - since usually she doesn’t condescend to come down until about 8.00am when, no doubt, she can hear my tummy rumbling so loud that it probably acts as her alarm clock! “Come on Misty” she said, “Pop out into the garden now and be quick about it, we’ve got to be ready for Tony pretty soon!” I struggled to wake myself up and make sense of what she was saying... who’s Tony? What’s the great rush? Grudgingly I went out through the cat flap into the garden where there was a thick dew on the grass... not exactly encouraging me to take down my fur knickers and perform my morning ablutions! However, sensing that today was going to be something out of the ordinary all round, I thought I’d best do what she said! A few minutes later I came back to find my breakfast set out and ready for me. I must tell you that, although I sometimes - well, a lot of times really - do tend to be over critical of Sheila, she is the best possible carer (servant?) a cat could wish for, and I am so glad she rescued me those several years ago.

  Whilst I tucked into my breakfast, I could hear her busy upstairs and a while later, as I washed my final whisker, she appeared again dressed in what looked like a jacket made out of a leopard’s coat and toning brown trousers, all in all looking very smart. I blinked. Goodness me, this must be one of her special outfits that definitely does not see the time of day around here in this semi rural part of Cornwall. Perhaps people who travel on big luxury ships are a lot more fashionable than the people around here, I thought! Well, all to the good - because I never have a chance to wear all my fancy collars either. I began to feel anticipation brewing... I am very conscious of my appearance, particularly my fur, and I often wish I could parade down a catwalk (excuse the pun!) modelling collars!

  Then I suddenly noticed that Sheila was holding what looked like a smaller version of a dog’s lead in her hand. Surely she’s not going to put that on me I thought, backing away pretty smart-ish. How humiliating - dogs don’t seem to mind being dragged around wherever their owners want them to go; but certainly cats decide themselves where they want to go - it’s the old adage, dogs have masters, cats have servants, or to make it clearer, you people boss your dogs about - we cats boss our humans about! “Now, I’m sorry Misty” said Sheila, “I didn’t show you this earlier because I knew you wouldn’t be pleased, but I’m afraid that if you are coming on the ship with me, there is a condition that you must be on a lead at all times, apart from when we are in our stateroom! Ship’s rules. The Captain has spoken! Truffles abided by the rules so you must too... and I don’t want any arguments!” Well, I thought to myself, she never usually speaks to me like that, what a cheek! My tail twitched. She said nothing, just held out the lead towards me. After a moment or two, I caved in... oh well, as this was going to be an experience of a lifetime for me, I would just have to live with it. At least there would be no dogs on board laughing at me behind their paws. I walked forward and she clipped the lead onto my collar. Just in time too, because the doorbell rang - I say rang, it makes a horrendous trumpeting noise that used to scare me out of my wits when I first moved in - and Sheila said, “Oh, that must be Tony. Come on Misty.”

  Tony, a nice man, smartly dressed in a jacket and tie, with a cheery smile was waiting at the door and behind him I could see a large motor machine, gleaming in the early morning sun which was now getting up out of its own bed. “Hello Sheila”, he said, “Well, this must be Misty. I’ve only ever picked her up with you from the cattery when I’ve brought you back from your cruise, so I’ve never really seen her as she’s always been in a basket. Isn’t she pretty!” Well, Tony, I thought, preening myself, you’re my friend for life! I bet Sheila wishes that someone would call her pretty, but I’m afraid that will never happen! Sorry Sheila, dear, my first catty comment in the book - I expect there will be plenty more!

  Tony looked at the line of suitcases, and also my own luggage, almost filling our large hallway, then smiled, shrugged and carried them out to the motor machine.
Somehow he got them all in. “Misty’s got even more luggage than Truffles had” he said to Sheila, “and I know you take enough for about four people!” She laughed, then shut and locked the front door and lifted me into the front seat of the motor machine and sat me on her lap. Well, I have to say that perhaps being on a lead was not such a

  bad thing because in a basket I’ve never been able to look out of the window and see what was happening - all you hear are rather frightening sounds that you don’t understand. So, making myself comfortable, I prepared to look all around and enjoy the journey ahead - I didn’t know how far away the port of Southampton was from Cornwall. It takes only ten minutes or so to get to the cat camp - this would take something over four and a half hours. To a little cat like me, an adventure in itself...

  Journey to the Port

  Well, it was quite exciting looking out of the window as we sped along the road... I could see lots of trees and once when we stopped in front of some posts with red, yellow and green lights on them, (how strange - what on earth are they? Christmas decorations?) I saw a couple of huge birds, with evil expressions, sitting on top of a tall pole that seemed to have long strings attached to it stretching away into the distance across the fields. “Buzzards, look Tony!” I heard Sheila say. Like something out of a horror film I thought - hope they never visit our garden! Fortunately we never saw any more on our journey. I was totally transfixed staring out on all sides at sights I’d never seen before... big buildings (bigger than our house!) big motor machines passing us that looked like giant houses on wheels, and by the side of the roads we drove by, more and more fields than I could ever have imagined. Lots of them contained those animals that to me look like big dogs wearing white woolly coats, and animals I did recognise that I know are called cows because they give us their lovely tasty milk! If this was just the journey to catch it, I thought, how amazing will the ship itself be! But after half an hour or so of staring non-stop at all the wonderful sights whizzing by, my eyes started to close and I dozed off.