Miaow There! Read online

  Several hours later, I was awakened by Sheila picking me up and she decanted herself, plus me, from the motor machine. She and Tony stretched their arms and legs, I did the same, and we all walked towards a large building that had tables and chairs set outside it on a comfy looking area of grass. They sat at one of the tables and I sat beside them on the grass and looked around expectantly. This wasn’t the ship was it? Two big cups of frothy coffee were put on the table for Sheila and Tony, but nothing for me! I patted Sheila’s ankle. “OK Misty, here you are” she said, leaning over and giving me some of my favourite catnip sweeties, “You’re a spoilt girl!” I know, dear, I thought, and you bet I’m enjoying every minute of it!

  I could hear them talking together, and it seemed that we were only about an hour or so away from Southampton. Oooh, now it really was time for me to get excited! I spent a few frantic moments titivating my fur so I would look my best when we arrived at the ship. Sheila got up and handed my lead to Tony, and went into the building saying she would only be a few minutes... I wondered idly what she could be doing... Meanwhile, Tony scratched me behind the ears and then began stroking my back. Nice, I thought, he has a good rhythm, I could get to like this! All too soon Sheila returned, and this time Tony disappeared into the building. What are they doing in there I wondered. Anyway, he shortly returned and once more we got into the motor machine and made ourselves comfortable. I must say I was enjoying the ride - pity Sheila doesn’t have a motor machine. But I think I remember her telling someone once that if she had the money nowadays to buy a motor machine, well, she’d rather spend it on a cruise! So if she prefers to do that, well there definitely must be something in this cruising lark! Come on then, Tony, step on it... I can’t wait to see the ship!

  The miles seemed to roll quickly by over the next hour and then suddenly in front of us were what seemed like hundreds and hundreds of motor machines, all pointing in the same direction as us but suddenly going so slowly that I could have easily beaten them in a race! Why had they slowed down - surely if they were all going to the ship, they would be excited too and want to get there as fast as they could? I will never understand the strange ways of you humans! “I knew it” said Tony, “it’s always the same on a Saturday when there are several ships in. We’ll have to resign ourselves to a bit of a wait!” I sighed, talk about so near and yet so far!

  Bit by bit we inched our way towards Southampton Docks and I was totally amazed (gob smacked I believe is your human expression!) at the sight of even larger and larger buildings, and towering above them were huge metal frames that looked a bit like those things they call “pylons” that go across our fields in Cornwall (Cornwall seemed a very long way away now!) with thick chains with giant hooks on the end hanging from them. Stacks of huge wooden or metal boxes stretched as far as my (pretty sharp, I can tell you!) eyes could see. And then, all of a sudden I saw it... our ship! Like a huge mountain with rows and rows of windows. I remember Truffles telling me much the same thing had run through her mind when she’d first seen the ship. Unbelievable! It could have been all the houses in our village joined together! “At last!” said Sheila, and Tony smiled and nodded. I sat up straight and gazed all around. The motor machines were all ahead of us slowly, but slowly following each other like a herd of cows. “We’re OK” said Tony, turning off to the right, “as we are just a drop off, so no queues for the car park.” So we moved forward at normal speed - at last - and approached a large gateway with a small box-like building attached to it, with a man in a uniform standing in it. “Now,” said Sheila, chuckling to herself, “This might be fun!”

  Arrival at the port

  Tony stopped the motor machine at the side of the archway where the man in uniform was standing. Close up, he looked very fierce to me and as he peered into the motor machine, he scowled and snapped “What the devil is that?” pointing at me... how extremely rude I thought. What have I done to deserve that? People normally greet me by saying aaah, hello, aren’t you pretty! And what exactly does he mean by ‘that’... I am a cat for goodness sake, is he short sighted? I prepared myself to give him an almighty spit and a hiss, but felt Sheila’s warning grip on my collar. “This is my cat, Misty” she replied in rather haughty tones, “and she is travelling with me on the ship.” “It is definitely NOT going on that ship... or any ship” he said, shaking his fist and his face starting to turn a rather unbecoming shade of red. I was now fuming... first he had called me a ‘that’ and now he was referring to me as an ‘it’. My paws clenched and I inadvertently stuck a claw into Sheila’s leg - whoops! Her grip on my collar tightened. “Right, calm down” she said (to him, not me) “Misty is a guest of the cruise company, and here is her passport and letter of invitation from the company. Everything is all in order as you will see.” The man grabbed the documents, and after reading them, his manner changed completely. He forced a toothy smile and waved us on, muttering to himself - I have sharp ears as well as eyes - that he’d never heard anything like it and his missus would never believe it!

  We drove slowly on approaching the dockside. “That went well” remarked Tony with a grin! “He was lucky I stopped Misty from hissing at him,” said Sheila, “that would have put the kibosh on things, he would have blown a gasket!” They both started to laugh... that weird sound that you people make sometimes, which to me sounds like a gang of demented chickens gabbling to each other! I, myself, didn’t see anything funny in the situation, it had taken the shine off my excitement at seeing the ship for the first time, and my nose felt thoroughly put out of joint. Sheila patted me and told me not to take any notice, he was only doing his duty, even though he was pretty unpleasant about it. But it was over now, we’d passed him by and I should forget him, only good things were to come! OK I thought, she’s right and I gave her a quick purr. “That’s better” she said, “now here we are, so let’s get out.”

  We had pulled up right by the side of the ship, and as I stood on the ground peering upwards - the ship seemed to go right up into the sky - it made me feel almost dizzy. Even though once or twice in my youth I have perched on some fairly high tree branches, the height of a tree was nothing compared to this. Tony bustled about unloading our suitcases and a smartly dressed man took them away, loaded them onto a trolley and then disappeared. Oh dear I thought, where’s he taking them? He’s got all my collars in there! Sheila must have noticed my puzzled expression for she said it was OK and the next time we saw our luggage it would be outside our stateroom door. I wondered what our stateroom would be like... the name sounds rather royal to me... sounds posher than cabin. No doubt I would find out later! After thanking Tony for a very pleasant journey, Sheila took a firm hold of my lead, grasped her handbag and with her pulling along a slightly smaller suitcase on wheels, we walked along the dockside until we came to some glass entrance doors leading into what seemed like an enormous building crammed full of people all talking at once and most of them carrying or pulling an assortment of similar suitcases or bags. I instinctively moved closer to Sheila’s leg. I was thankful for the lead again, because attached to her, I knew I’d be safe. “It’s OK, Misty” she said, “don’t be scared. If Truffles could do this, so can you - everyone will love you, don’t worry!” We approached a smiley lady, again smartly dressed, and as Sheila showed her our documents, the lady told us that she had been looking out for us, and they were delighted to have us on board. How nice, I thought, and gave her one of my pussy smiles. She leaned down and patted me, “What lovely fur” she said. I preened myself, things were definitely looking up! Straight ahead and turn left to Elite Members’ Check In she told us. She stuck a sticky label onto Sheila’s jacket. What’s that for I wondered... why didn’t she put one on me... but then I noticed that stickers of different colours were put onto everybody’s coat. Must be to keep track of everyone I thought, and I noticed that all the people wearing blue stickers went to queue at one desk, the reds to another and so on. Our sticker was gold and we didn’t have to qu
eue!

  We strolled across in the direction she had indicated, surprising quite a lot of our fellow passengers who seemed to be doing a ‘double take’ when they saw me! Don’t know why... havn’t they ever seen a cat before? I heard a few comments like “Have I had a few, is that a cat I saw?” and “That can’t be a cat, can it?” and “Is that the ship’s cat?” I smiled to myself, I was going to enjoy all this! I remember Truffles telling me that she also had revelled in all the attention.

  We arrived at the desk marked “Elite Check In” and there was another very smartly dressed, smiley lady there to greet us.

  Checking in and getting on board

  On the other side of the desk was yet another smartly dressed lady in nautical style clothes... my collar would have added the finishing touch I thought... and she gave us a beaming smile of welcome. How very different from that awful fierce faced man at the port gates! “Hello and welcome” she said, “I’ve been asked to look out for you! We’ve all been saying how unusual it is to have a cat sailing with us - though I do seem to remember we had one last year.” “That was Truffles” laughed Sheila, “yes, it’s the cat lady here again!” They both laughed. Sheila passed over our documents and the lady tapped away on some hidden machine. All seemed to be in order. She then gave Sheila a form to fill in to confirm we had not been ill or suffering from colds, tummy bugs or whatever. This cruise company is one of the best in the world and exceptionally keen on health and safety, taking great pride in having everything spotless and gleaming on the ship, so Sheila tells me. It’s one of the many reasons that she chooses to cruise with them. And I, too, wouldn’t settle for anything less!

  I pride myself on being healthy... I have all the annual vaccinations and, naturally, Sheila gives me regular pedicures, flea drops and ear and eye checks etc. I eat only the best food (not own brands!) and keep myself spotless. It pays off... touch wood (an expression you seem to use, though I don’t really see the point of it) I don’t mix with the neighbourhood cats as, firstly, they are a bullying bunch and much larger than me, and we have crossed paths in the past, and also I don’t want to pick up nasty feline diseases or, heaven forbid, ticks. Not sure why I have digressed on to this rather depressing subject... sorry, too much information! So to continue...

  Next, the lady said she was going to take our photos. Great, I love having my photo taken! Sheila doesn’t, though, because she’s not as pretty as I am (Ouch! Sorry Sheila!) She always says that ever since she started writing books, she’s had her picture put in all sorts of magazines and papers etc. so she wishes she was a bit more glamorous! Photos completed, Sheila was handed our Sea Pass and then the lady wished us a happy trip and we left the desk. Soon we had to join another queue (When were we ever going to actually get to the ship, I wondered impatiently!) of passengers waiting in front of yet another archway with a stern faced official standing beside. Next to him was what looked to me like a tunnel and into this people were putting their small bags and cases. These then disappeared into the tunnel whilst their owners walked through the archway. Sometimes this archway made a beeping noise, and then the official held out a strange looking object - looking rather like a black hairbrush to me - and passed it around their bodies and this strange object also made squeaking noises. Now these sounds, to me, were quite pleasant reminding me of those furry little delicacies with long tails! When it came to our turn, I held back, my tail twitching. I didn’t want to be picked up and put into that strange tunnel. Fortunately I wasn’t. Whilst Sheila put her bags into the tunnel and walked through the archway, the official, who now didn’t look so stern faced - in fact he actually seemed to be laughing - held on to my lead. He even leaned down and patted me. “Well, well madam” he said to Sheila, “this is a first for me! A cat going on a cruise! Ha! Ha!” All seemed in order, so no squeaks for us as we went through... pity!

  Holding on to my lead again, Sheila trundled her suitcase along with me trotting by her side and we threaded our way through the crowds of other passengers until we arrived at something that looked rather scary to me. I drew back again. It was a staircase, sort of similar to ours at home, but it was, it definitely was .. . it was moving! However, Sheila turned to the left and then we approached something that looked even more scary. It looked like a cave but it had doors in front of it that slid from side to side. I saw people going through these doors which immediately closed. A few minute later they opened and the people came out, but they looked different! How could that be? I’m not going through those doors I thought, I might come out looking like a dog! “Come on Misty, don’t be a scaredy cat! This is called an elevator and will take us for a ride up to the next floor” Sheila said. Oh well, if you’re sure then, I thought... so with me keeping as close to her as possible, we got in. And to my relief, when we got out a few moments later I still looked the same, but we were now on a different floor and the moving staircase had disappeared. This was certainly a day of revelations for me , and we still had not even got on to the ship!

  But, we were nearly there now. We walked towards another passageway and I saw that there were two young men holding cameras and taking pictures of passengers as they approached. More photos I thought! Wonderful! I gave my chest fur a quick lick. We stopped and Sheila, I noticed, had drawn her tummy in and put on her best smile... well, I think she would have said that the young men were very nice looking so maybe she wanted to make an impression? The young men seemed quite surprised to see me, I can’t imagine why, but Sheila picked me up and held me in her arms and so they took the photo. Then yet another long passageway loomed ahead sloping upwards and so we started walking again. The passage zigzagged to and fro and we seemed to be for ever climbing but not getting very far. Sheila was puffing a bit but that was her own fault, as (a) she doesn’t take enough exercise, and (b) she shouldn’t have put so much heavy stuff into her suitcase! Thankfully, we eventually came to the end of the passageway. What a tedious way to climb I thought. This route could only have been designed by a human, certainly not by a feline specialist, who would have simply made it a straight vertical quick and easy climb! But at last we stepped on board! Yippee!

  Sheila handed our Sea Pass to another smartly dressed and smiling man, who put it into a slot in a machine which then pinged, sounding rather like the chirp of a bird. Nice, I thought, mouse squeaks and now birdsong... just as if everyone knew they were having a cat visitor! Next, we passed another nice looking young man (no wonder Sheila likes cruising so much if she’s surrounded by handsome young men!) and he squirted something on to Sheila’s hands. Not sure what it was as he didn’t put any on my paws. Sheila put down her bags and rubbed her hands together. “Well, Misty,” she said, “I’m glad to stop for a moment after dragging that heavy case along. I really shouldn’t bring so much!” Huh, when she gets back from her cruises with yet even more stuff than she started with, she’s always saying she shouldn’t take so much. Well, learn dear, learn!

  Next, we ambled along to where a line of ladies, all smiling... I have ever seen so many smiling people before, how nice it was... were welcoming the passengers with a drink of that bubbly liquid you all seem to like. Sheila took her glass and walked over to a nearby area with comfy looking armchairs, and sat down with me by her feet. “Well, Misty, here we are. Welcome on board, your adventure is about to begin!” She raised her glass, “Here’s to you!” Not quite sure what that expression means, but there you go... I looked all around me at the crowds of people that had followed us on to the ship and these people, I noticed, were looking at me too! I preened myself. Again I heard comments like .. is that a cat? Can that possibly be a cat? How many glasses of this stuff have I had dear, I thought I saw a cat... etc. etc. Oooh, this was going to be fun I thought. I could get used to being the centre of attention; I remember Truffles telling me that she enjoyed being thought of as a ‘celebrity cat’ too.

  We sat there for a while, Sheila accepting another glass of bubbly from yet another nice lookin
g young man. As many other passengers passed us by, doing the usual double take when they saw me, if I heard her say it once, I heard it a hundred times... Yes, hi, good to meet you. Yes, this IS a real cat! Yes, she IS pretty isn’t she. Yes, she is a special visitor. We’re writing a book about cruising.

  “Now then, Misty” said Sheila a little while later, “It’s a nuisance, but I can’t go and have lunch as I usually do because you are with me, so I think we’ll have a wander round until the staterooms are ready at about 1.30 and see if any of my friends among the crew are on board.” I briefly wondered why she couldn’t have her lunch just because I was with her, it’s certainly never stopped her before when we’re at home. We hadn’t gone more than a few paces when all of a sudden a guy with a beaming smile rushed up and gave Sheila a big hug! I looked up at him in amazement. I know that for some odd reason, human men seem to shave off their face fur, but this guy had shaved off the fur from the top of his head as well! He looked like a smiley pumpkin! His head was so shiny, you could see your reflection in it I guessed... that is, if you were rather taller than I am! Actually, I was to see many other men with shaved heads later during the cruise. It is obviously very trendy, so I guessed he could be described as ‘a pretty cool guy’! No cat would ever, ever want to get rid of its fur (unless it was one of the rather unique Sphynx breed) A cat’s fur is its best asset! When you are choosing us for your pets, the colour and length of our fur is an important consideration, and we also choose our mates for their appearance too, so quality and colour of fur means a lot to we cats!