Miaow There! Page 9

  Most mornings Sheila would disappear and return about lunchtime with another of those wretched little bears to add to the motley collection that now stretched right along the back of the wall unit. I nipped up there one day and they, like the first two, were all wearing a tee shirt or jersey with the name of wherever they had come from... strange names too, like Helsinki, Oslo, St. Petersburg,Tallinn and Warnemunde - the likes of which I’d never seen. Well, to be honest, apart from Cornwall, and now Southampton, I don’t know the names of any places as my geography book only says back garden and front garden in it!

  While she was away, I took full advantage of all the comforts of the stateroom and also Pedro’s generosity with the tasty titbits he brought for me. He was well and truly under my thumb by this time! I did feel I was perhaps putting on a bit of weight, though it was nothing to the weight that was gradually piling onto Sheila, but who cares, we were both having fun, fun, fun! I heard her and some other people talking one day and it seems that most passengers (humans not cats!) put on about half a stone per cruise. I reckoned I’d put on about half a pound! As the weather continued warm and sunny, it was bliss in the mornings lazing on the balcony birdwatching and looking all around at each different port we stopped at - seeing so many strange buildings and lots of people moving around so far below me looking like ants. It made me feel quite superior, being on high like a queen looking down on her subjects! Fortunately I managed to avoid any more window washing disasters as, having learnt her lesson, Sheila made sure the outer doors were tightly closed whenever they came round again! I still enjoyed my scratching and clawing sessions on Pedro’s animals each night, and somehow my luck held as neither he nor Sheila seemed to spot the odd little bits thread that dangled from their tummies afterwards!

  One morning I noticed something of a disturbance happening below. Parked opposite us was a small and rather rusty looking cruise ship. I was idly watching passengers from both ships to-ing and fro-ing along the dockside between. An elderly lady was trying to come on board our ship, but as she arrived at the gangway and showed her pass, her arm was politely taken by one of the officials who pointed over at the other ship. It seemed she was a passenger on that ship, not ours! She retraced her steps but as soon as she reached ground level again, she turned around and back up the gangway she came! The official pointed out the other ship once more! Back down she went only to return yet again! This performance happened twice more! By this time the official must have been getting a little impatient, but he kept his cool! Suddenly I saw Michael (my pal Mr Pumpkin) appear at the top of the gangway. The official must have explained what had happened so Michael then did his good deed for the day and gently drawing the old lady down the gangplank, he walked her over to the right ship. He told Sheila later that the old lady had told him that yes, she knew perfectly well that was her ship but she’d much, much prefer to come on our ship! Well, full marks for a good try dear!

  In the afternoons we mostly went outside and walked around to the grass deck. Sheila would sit and chat to Dev, sipping one of his Pussyfoot specials, or to her friends Petra and Graham who often joined her there. I would enjoy a good roll around on the grass and then lie down and watch the people playing their ball games. Sheila had bought me my own little ball on a stretchy string from one of the shops below, so I enjoyed carrying it over to whoever was sitting nearby and putting on my hopeful expression - which never fails - and having them play my own games too! One day we were watching several passengers all prancing around and waving their arms to some loud music in what Sheila said was a Zumba class. She and Petra thought they’d join in too, so Graham took me over to the ice cream machine and we both enjoyed cooling down with this totally delicious stuff whilst the girls just got hot and sweaty! Ugh! What weird things you lot do for pleasure, you certainly wouldn’t see me over exerting myself like that!

  One afternoon Sheila took me to meet Peng Fei, her friend that seems to be made of china! She told me she usually meets him for a meal one evening during her cruise in some specialised quirky eating place on board, and also for cups of their favourite frothy coffee at other times. She told me he wanted to meet me and show me some magic, so we’d go along and see him in the coffee lounge. Magic? What else does this made of china boy do I wondered - he changes his face, balances on bits of string and throws shiny objects about - and now magic too? Maybe he could magic me a little bird out of the sky! We strolled along to the coffee lounge and just as we were about to find a table, suddenly I heard somebody calling out “Hello Sheila” in yet another strange accent I’d never heard. Sheila walked over in the direction of the voice which was coming from the bar, dragging me behind, and said “Oh wow, Nestor, hi - how are you? Good to see you! I havn’t been into Michael’s Club yet so I wasn’t sure you were on board!” (I didn’t realise our Michael (Mr P) had a club as well - he seemed to do all sorts of jobs, maybe he was the ship’s resident “dogsbody”! I know that’s what you call people who seem to have lots of odd jobs to deal with. Needless to say, there are no ‘catsbodies’ - we cats wouldn’t even consider overworking ourselves!) I looked up and saw yet another smiley man wearing those little round bits of glass in front of his eyes like Sheila does (I don’t really know why you humans wear them, I’ve never seen cats wearing such things) But she must set great store by them as she wears them every day, and seems to have a drawer full of them in various colours. They chatted for a few minutes and then Sheila found a table, sat down and I took my usual observational position behind her ankles and we waited for Peng Fei to arrive.

  Only a few minutes later he appeared... no, not by magic(!) he simply came walking towards us! Greetings exchanged he sat down, Violetta came and brought them their frothy drinks and they spent a few minutes sipping their drinks and chatting about this and that. “Well, Misty” said Peng Fei, leaning over and stroking my face, “I don’t look too scary now do I?” Purr switched on, I thought no you look a very nice young man. “Well, Misty” he continued, “Sheila says you like playing ball games (yes I do, I do!) so I am going to show you a magic trick with some balls and cups. You must watch very carefully indeed and find the ball. Can you do that?” Of course I can, don’t be daft! Why was Sheila grinning I wondered? He produced three cardboard cups (like the delicious ice cream comes in, though sadly they were empty) and stood them side by side on the ground in front of me. Then he showed me a nice little red ball. Ooh goody, is that for me? Peg Fei must have read my thoughts because he said “If you can find the ball under the cup, Misty, you can keep it! Now watch the ball, don’t take your eye off it” My eyes are both stuck securely in my head, so how can my eye be on the ball... oh well, not to worry, just some other strange human expression I guess! I was really, really close to him now and he placed the ball under one of the cups and then quickly moved the cups around. But my eyes are very, very sharp and I was certain I could spot the ball under its cup with no problem. He stopped shifting the cups about and indicated that I should touch the cup which hid the ball. Easy... I tapped the middle cup! But... .. NO ball! I was watching his every move, I knew it was there! What the... “Oh dear, Misty” he smiled, “No, it’s under HERE!” He tipped over the right-hand cup and sure enough there was the red ball! How on earth could I have missed that! Was I losing my touch? Sheila laughed, I scowled at her. “Come on Misty,” said Peng Fei, “Let’s try again!” Well, dear reader, he did the ball game another four or five times and I never found the ball once! I couldn’t believe it... how totally humiliating! “Well, Misty, “ said Sheila, “I told you it was going to be magic. You can stay here all day but I’m afraid you’ll never find the ball, Peng’s too clever!” I had been looking forward to playing with that little red ball but now it seemed that wouldn’t happen. I sat back defeated and switched on the pathetic look. But Peng Fei smiled and bounced the ball at me... “Of course you can have the ball, Misty, I brought it specially for you anyway!” He picked me up and stroked me again. So all ended well. I’d made
yet another new friend and I’d seen some close up magic where I simply could not believe my eyes, and I got the ball anyway! We sat there for a while, them talking and me sitting contentedly admiring my new toy!

  On another afternoon instead of going outside, Sheila took me along the shopping street and after treating herself to some of the sickly sweet smelling disgusting stuff you like to spray yourselves with, she was just about to go into the ice cream place when she was hailed by Val and Ken who were also doing some shopping, judging by the number of bags they were carrying. (Maybe they’d won some more money in the casino!) “Come on Sheila” said Ken, “let’s have a drink. We can sit outside the pub so it will be OK bringing Misty.” Sheila nodded and so we turned away from the ice cream parlour. Oh dear, not a good plan I thought! But I couldn’t do much about it could I?

  We retraced our steps and arrived at the Dog and Badger where they all sat down around one of the tables outside. I retreated as far back under the table as I could. There was NO WAY I wanted to encounter a dog or, even worse, a badger! A barman came up and brought Sheila a glass of that pink stuff she likes, and Val’s drink was more red in colour but the drink that Ken asked for really puzzled me as he asked for an Old Speckled Hen. What was this place, a flipping zoo? Dogs, badgers and now hens! And anyway, how can you ‘drink’ a hen, you chew it surely! And if there were hens around, wouldn’t the dogs and badgers have eaten them? I shook myself, sometimes I think I must have an over-active imagination! Well, there was only one sensible solution, go into sleep mode... so I did.

  One evening we again joined up with Val, Ken and Dylan in the street as there was a grand parade of people all dressed up in fancy costumes and the singers and dancers from the theatre also joined in with lots of lively music. Everybody was enjoying themselves and dancing too! There were so many people that I felt in danger of being squashed under paw so in the end I jumped up on Sheila’s shoulder where I had a better view anyway! Also on my perch I could do my own cat dancing to the music! Though later when we were back in the stateroom I felt a bit guilty when Sheila showed me the scratches I’d made on her shoulder! Several people took pictures of me on their little talking/picture machines which was good too! Fame at last, eh!

  People do say funny things. On another afternoon we had been outside on deck with Sheila’s friends Mary and Eric. Eric had gone off to play some ball games and Sheila and Mary decided to go to the spa and fur dressing section of the ship to book places on some kind of talk that was coming up called “Look ten years younger”! Don’t kid yourself girls, waste of time, no chance! I would have preferred to stay outside on the lovely grass, but being attached to the lead gave me no option! Coming inside and arriving at the elevators, we could see another lady pacing up and down looking worried wringing her hands together and saying “How can I find them, where am I, oh dear I’ll be late, what shall I do?” “Are you lost? Can I help you?” said Sheila, “I know this ship very well. Where do you want to get to?” The lady said that she wanted to get to the large observation lounge at the other end of the deck where people meet and can sit and view the sea, in the evenings have some naughty drinks and dance to music and so forth. She had to meet up with her family she added and had only about five minutes to get there. “Well, calm down ”, said Sheila, “No problem. Just walk back along the deck and the entrance to the lounge will be right in front of you.” “I can’t possibly do that!” said the lady. “Why not?” asked Sheila. “I can’t go on the deck because it’s full of bodies!” she replied. Both Sheila and Mary did a double take! Bodies? There was a couple of stunned seconds silence... then the penny dropped, she was referring to the rows of people sunbathing on the deck outside! But WHY couldn’t she walk past them I wondered. I know that when you humans dress in fewer clothes than normal to sunbathe, some of you (particular the fatter ones... sorry, miaow, miaow!) do look somewhat comical, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say they look that frightening! “OK, OK” soothed Sheila, “well just get the elevator one floor down, then walk right along the passageway and get the elevator or walk up the stairs at the other end and you will find an inner entrance to the observation lounge.” “Right” said the lady, calmer now, “Thanks” and she got into the elevator and disappeared. Sheila and Mary burst out laughing. “Well” gasped Mary “She’d better not come to Cornwall and go to the beach at Newquay then!”

  After booking their (what a total waste of time!!!) places on the lecture, we strolled along the slightly lower deck to the large covered water pool where Sheila and Mary sat themselves down and ordered some cool drinks and an ice cream for me. I was glad we were sitting well away from all the water but near enough to the pool’s end so that I could watch the coloured water spouts leaping up and down. “I’ll tell you another funny story” said Sheila. “Go on then, “said Mary, I’m all agog!” “It wasn’t on this ship” said Sheila, “but some years ago we were spending Christmas and New Year on a cruise. We were walking around the main foyer and a rather elderly lady came down the stairs towards us. We exchanged good mornings as you do, and then she looked at me and said “What day is it dear?” “It’s New Year’s Day” I replied. “Ah” she said, “and what day of the week is it dear?” “Er, um, it’s Tuesday” I said. “And what ship am I on dear?” she said! Mary started laughing. Sheila said that when it got to the stage that if, let alone not knowing what day of the week it was, she couldn’t even remember the name of the ship she was on, THAT would be the time she would give up cruising! She wouldn’t want people like us looking at her and saying to each other look at that poor old soul doddering around! Well, dear, not all that many years to go I reckon (sorry Sheila, another miaow, miaow comment!) so yes, maybe the lecture on looking ten years younger might be of some use after all! I settled down to enjoy my ice cream while the others talked about the usual stories where some people, usually first time cruisers, say the daftest things like - Do the crew sleep on board? How does the electricity get to the ship and so on...

  Sheila said that many years ago when the cards that open cabin doors had only recently come into use, they were having a drink with a comedian they knew. He told them a true story where in one of his shows he had told his audience - purely as a joke - that the new cards were rather like bank cards, so maybe they should try them in a bank machine in the next port of call and see if they could get any money out! Believe it or not, apparently about seventy people DID actually try their cabin door cards in bank machines and, of course, lost them! The comedian was summoned to the office of the captain of the ship and given the telling off of his life! He had truly never assumed that people would really try to use their cards! Needless to say, he was ever invited back on that ship again!

  I was really enjoying the routine of shipboard life and I know Sheila felt the same. She, of course, did a lot of stuff without me... but with a lovely sunny balcony to lie on, titbits brought to me by Pedro, what more could I ask for! It was going to be back to earth with a real bump when we got home. I would have to instruct Sheila to wait on me more often!

  The last three days were a rush of activity. We went to another of the fabulous ice shows, and another big song and dance show in the theatre and also to Peng Fei’s unbelievable magic show. He made more than balls disappear I can tell you! One night we joined Sheila’s friends June and Roger, and Petra and Graham, and we went to a smaller kind of theatre where there was a game called “Mr and Mrs” being played with three couples on stage. The host was asking them lots of questions and their answers seemed to throw the audience into hysterics! Talk about a bunch of laughing hyenas! What made them laugh the most was a question where the wives were asked if they knew the name of their husband’s previous girlfriend. Two wives gave ladies’ names but the third one just said “Bitch!” Personally I didn’t see anything funny in that... lady dogs are called bitches, I mean what’s wrong with that? You humans love your dogs - almost as much as your cats - don’t you? So I don’t see why you would worry ab
out being called a bitch! Again, there are just so many things I will just never get my head round when it comes to human behaviour and the strange things you think and say!

  On the last afternoon Sheila took me with her to the final of some sort of question and answer game called “Progressive Trivia” that apparently was another activity that Mr Pumpkin (sorry, Michael) had been running throughout the cruise.. She hadn’t been to any of the previous sessions but just came to watch the final and see which team won. She told me afterwards that she had written some quiz books (about cats and dogs) and Michael had said he was going to use some of her questions in this final. I found it all rather boring really and dozed off and on at her feet. However, one question did catch my ear! It was about cats! “What do you call a group of cats?” And nobody knew the answer. I couldn’t believe it! Do you, dear reader? No? Well, a group of cats is called a clowder!

  After getting up early and packing her cases, also during the last day Sheila had dragged me around saying goodbye to all her friends on board, both those who worked on the ship and those who were guests. They had all been such nice friendly people, and I felt glad to have met them and seen another side of Sheila’s world. Now I could understand even better how she loves to get herself away two or three times a year from her rather isolated life at home in Cornwall. And I have to say it makes a break for me too when I go off to the local cat camp!

  My last delicious dinner was a prawn in a cheesy sauce starter followed by duck bits in gravy and to finish, a little pot of ice cream into which Pedro had stirred a drop of fish oil! How thoughtful of him, and how very yummy! I gave him an extra special purr and ankle rub and as he picked me up and gave me some nice strokes and pats, I think I might have caught a tear in his eye. Aaah! Sheila had given him, on my behalf, a big box of those chocolate things that you humans like, so I hoped that when he ate them he would remember his first, and probably last, cat guest!