All at Sea with Truffles Page 10

  A mortifying moment!

  “We’ll have breakfast early,” she said, “and then we’ll go ashore.” She decanted some turkey chunks topped with crispy sprinkles into my dish and disappeared to get her own breakfast. I ate quite slowly, still seething over the birds. Afterwards I went outside again, but they had gone. Good riddance, I thought, and don’t come and pay us a visit again!

  Sheila returned, gathered together her money, ship’s card and my passport papers and stuffed them into her bag. She got out another one of my collars - this time a white one with a natty little silvery anchor hanging from the front with my name on it, attached the lead and we set off. At the elevators we had to wait a few minutes because everybody else seemed to have the same idea as us. Eventually one arrived and we all piled in - what a squash it was, too. I was surrounded by about twelve sets of large paws and it was a job not to get stepped on. The unseen voice announced that we were at Deck One and, relieved, we got out. Then there was another bit of a hold-up behind a long line of passengers who were heading slowly towards a square of sunlight ahead. When we eventually reached the sunlight there were two crew members waiting, smiling (as they always do) and wishing us a pleasant day ashore. Sheila put her card into the machine that pinged and then picked me up and showed the crew member my papers as well. They smiled and one, in a peculiar accent, said, “Cat!” Gosh, he’s observant, I thought sarcastically! (I was still in a minor huff following the bird incident). We followed the other people and walked outside into the bright sunshine. Sheila hung her black shades in front of her eyes and we walked down a steep, narrow gangplank that took us down to the dockside. Wow, I’m on solid ground again, I thought. Not that I’d felt any particular movement on the ship during the entire journey so far, but it was nice to be off all that dreaded water for a while!

  As we reached the dock I could see several of the crew members all dressed up as furry animals and there were two more that held picture-making gadgets in their paws. We stopped, Sheila picked me up and we posed (with me giving my best Cheshire cat grin) for a picture, standing beside one of these furry creatures. I looked at her and she laughed and said, “They’re dressed up like the apes. Apes are like monkeys, Truffles, and they live at the top of the rock here. I’ve seen them before, but perhaps we’ll just have a quick trip up there so you can see them, too.” I was totally confused. Apes? Monkeys? I did know what a monkey was like, as I’d found out from the moving-picture machine at home. I still don’t know why she calls ME a monkey sometimes, though! So if these apes look a bit like monkeys, then why aren’t they called monkeys? Your human way of naming things certainly bewilders me at times!

  We continued walking along the dock with a stream of other passengers and then Sheila led me in the direction of the large building I had seen from the balcony earlier. It was nice and cool inside and we passed through a large area with a cold floor made of shiny stone and some shops on either side of it. I saw that there were some of those machines that we had passed through at Southampton, with several bored-looking male humans standing beside them. They were dressed in matching outfits, but not nautical like the crew wear on the ship - theirs were a drab brown sort of colour and they wore dark green small hats with shiny silver badges. I didn’t like the look of them - they looked a bit fierce! As we approached them, one stopped Sheila and, looking down at me, said, “What is that?” Oh no, I thought, I’m not being called a ‘that’ again, am I? I glared up at him, at the same time easing myself closer to Sheila’s leg! But she showed him my papers and he waved us on through. When I turned around he was staring at us and scratching his head and his pals were all laughing! Why IS it that so many people laugh on seeing me on this holiday? Nobody laughs at me at home!

  Out we came into the hot sunshine again. It was lovely. “Come on,” said Sheila, “there’s a coach going to the rock and we’ll get on it and nip up there to see the apes,” I wasn’t sure what a coach was, but it turned out to be a very long motor machine with lots of windows and seats. She carried me onto it and we sat at the back. I looked out of one of the windows and marvelled at the scenery that we were passing. We seemed to be climbing and I realised that we were going up to the big rock that do… domi… domin… looked over the whole of this Gibraltar place. Soon the coach stopped and we got out. We walked a bit and Sheila spent some time looking at the view around us. There were lots of trees and bushes and very brightly coloured flowers that were nothing like the ones we have in Cornwall. There were also lots of tasty- looking little birds flying about tantalisingly. They looked different from the ones at home, too. Interesting. We were now very high up and I could see our big ship in the distance at the bottom, but from here it looked like a very little ship. We walked a bit further and came to a giant picture of a big monkey by the side of a doorway, which seemed to be cut right through a piece of the rock. Sheila fumbled in her bag and passed some of her money notes to the elderly lady human sitting by the door, and in return she was given a bag of treats! “No, it’s not for you, Truffles,” she said, guessing my thoughts. “This is for the apes. It’s macaroni - they love it.” Weird, I thought. It wasn’t even cooked, so it was rock (excuse the pun!) hard. I had a taste of macaroni cheese once – well, I like cheese, but I thought the macaroni was a bit slimy, rather like a slug!

  We passed through the door and I saw a lot of other people, not all from our ship, who were watching quite a large group of the famous apes! They (the apes, not the humans) were gambolling about and climbing up and jumping down from the surrounding low walls. They were also trying to grab people’s picture-making machines and handbags. One man had his hat stolen! I noticed that Sheila was hanging on tightly to her own handbag! I don’t know why she was worried - she’s got so many that I’m sure she wouldn’t miss one! Going back to the apes, I was totally shocked! I had expected them to be brown-furred, large and overpowering, and that I would be frightened, but they were not much larger than me - well, yes they were, but I reckoned they were only about the size of a Labrador dog, though not the same shape. They were more like miniature humans in shape, as far as I could see, and their fur was a pale grey colour. I was fascinated by them. Sheila threw some of the macaroni pieces to the one that was nearest to us. He grabbed the pieces in his front paws and put them in his mouth. I was bemused. How did he pick up things in his paws? Cats can’t do that - we can push and pat things about, but we can’t pick things up like that. I felt a twinge of jealousy. I’ve always thought we cats are the smartest and most cleverest animals on earth, and yet here in some foreign country was an ape/monkey doing something that I could only dream about! What, with the encounter with the big black bird and now this, I was beginning to get an inferiority complex! It was certainly becoming a day I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. We watched the antics of the apes for a while, keeping our distance. I felt that Sheila didn’t want us to make contact, as whenever an ape looked as if it was going to get too close she drew me back. “You mustn’t get too near, Truffles,” she said. “Despite you having those injections, I don’t want you to touch any other animal whilst we’re away from England. Come on, we’re going now.” So we left the top of the rock and got into another long motor machine. We soon arrived back near to the dock area. I thought we were going back to the ship, but Sheila turned the other way and we started to walk towards the crowd of buildings and houses I had seen from the ship.

  You can keep your macaroni, mate!

  It felt very strange to be walking, attached on the lead to Sheila, along a busy road because, as I said earlier, I had never been out before on even the quiet road where we live! I have only sat in our garden and watched people, sometimes accompanied by their dogs, walk by. So now I would have a chance to put myself in the place of a dog (heaven forbid!) and see for myself how it felt. The dogs I’d seen didn’t seem to mind the motor machines roaring past them on the road, but here I must say it was quite alarming, because the motor machines that passed us were very
large and very noisy. So I must admit that I did feel glad to be secured to Sheila, as I don’t think I could have coped with it all on my own - I would probably have been a complete wimp and rushed and hidden behind the first wall I came across!

  It was still very hot, so Sheila’s pace was slow, which suited me as it gave me more of a chance to drink in my surroundings. So strange and different from Cornwall! Suddenly I noticed a large ginger and white tomcat sitting on a stone seat watching me. Sheila’s grip tightened on my lead. As we reached the seat the cat got up and spat in the most rude manner at me! Well, that wasn’t very welcoming, I thought. Mind you, if any cat I don’t recognise dares to come into our garden at home I also give it a load of abuse, but I don’t stoop so low as to spit! This cat obviously hadn’t been brought up well as I had. In cat lingo I gave it a piece of my mind and was rewarded with a torrent of abuse, but in a strong accent that I didn’t recognise! Sheila tugged at the lead and as we went on by I had the last word and let rip in my Cornish accent, which left the other cat speechless!

  We sauntered on. It grew even hotter. As we approached an even bigger road with lots more motor machines roaring to and fro, I spotted a second cat lying stretched out on top of another seat. This time it was a pale grey and white and very pretty (I grudgingly have to admit) young female cat. She was quite a different kettle of fish from the other b-----d. She got down from the seat and said (in cat), “Hello to you, stranger! My name is Misty. Welcome to beautiful Gibraltar. Where have you come from? I’ve never seen you before.” I told her that I was from Cornwall and was having a cruise on the big ship and she was most impressed. She had never been on a ship. I didn’t tell her it was my first time - I sort of let her get the impression I was a seasoned traveller! We made small talk for a few minutes while Sheila sat on the seat, and then we said our goodbyes. Sheila picked me up and we crossed over the big road and carried on towards the town. Thankfully, the road now became much quieter and there were no motor machines on it - just lots and lots of humans.

  Very soon we stopped in a large square surrounded by many small, brightly decorated shops, including several of the frothy coffee places that Sheila likes. She led me towards one of them and we sat down outside it under a leafy tree. That’s nice, I thought - much as I like sitting in the sun, it really was very hot here. I wished my fur catsuit had a zip in it that I could loosen! Out came a nice-looking young man human, who smiled and asked what Sheila wanted. She returned his smile, ordered a large frothy coffee drink and also asked if he could bring a saucer of water for me. He smiled even more broadly. “Certainly,” he said. “I’ve never seen a tourist with a cat before!” “Well, there’s always a first time,” said Sheila. We sipped our drinks and both lazily looked around the big square. I was enjoying the sight of the humans in all shapes and colours who were wandering about, some speaking in languages that were totally foreign to me. Several came up and patted me and spoke to Sheila. We were certainly attracting attention! Well, after my rather humiliating experience earlier with the monster bird, it was all good for my ego! After half an hour Sheila got up and tugged on my lead and off we went again.

  In front of us was a long and, to me, never-ending road crammed on each side with shops selling everything under the sun, but most of them were full of all those sparkly ornaments that Sheila likes to decorate her neck and paws with. She must have stopped outside every one of them whilst she peered through the windows at the dazzling displays. It soon got boring for me. I was looking out for a pet shop, but I didn’t see one. They obviously didn’t cater much for cats here. I should have asked Misty if there was one around. I’d noticed she was wearing a designer pink collar, which must have come from somewhere! Eventually we went into one of the sparkly shops and, after a brief consultation with the owner, Sheila picked out a bright pink sparkly thing to hang round her neck, with a matching smaller one for around her paw. She seemed very pleased with them. Good for her, I thought, uncharitably, but what about something for me? As if she’d read my thoughts again, she told me that she knew of a pet shop upstairs in an arcade of shops and we would call in there on the way back. I brightened up!

  We had by now walked right up to the end of the street of shops, Sheila going inside a few more and buying various odds and ends. Now I knew what she used this money stuff for - giving it away to shops and feeding the machines in the casino! Then we headed back down the other side again, meeting several people she recognised from the ship on the way, who all stopped to have a brief chat. One was a very smart lady called Margaret who, like Sheila, seemed to be a very keen shopper, as she was carrying about six or seven large paper bags in her paws. They chatted and arranged to meet up at some of the future ports of call to do some shopping together. “I won’t have Truffles with me any more,” Sheila explained. “I think Gibraltar will have been enough for her!” Margaret nodded in agreement. “She certainly wouldn’t like the traffic in Florence or Rome.” she said. They smiled at each other and we parted company, Margaret going in the direction of a big shop called M & S and us heading off to find the pet shop.

  It didn’t take long to reach the arcade and we climbed up some steep stairs to get to the upper floor - no elevators here! We got to the shop and went inside. The first thing I saw was a cage with about six tiny kittens in it. Sheila took me over to look at them and the kittens shrank back in alarm. “It’s okay,” I told them, “don’t be frightened, I won’t eat you!” They calmed down and mewed hesitantly at me, saying they didn’t know where their mummy was. I remembered when I, too, was very small and alone and scared. I had been kept in a similar pen at an animal rescue centre until Sheila and Peter came and took me to their home. “Some nice human carers will very soon come along and give you good homes,” I told the kittens. “Just hang on in there and all will turn out okay in the end.” Sheila cooed over the kittens for a few minutes and then dragged me to the other side of the shop, where there were packets of cat treats, cat toys, collars and all sorts of stuff. She got out her money again and bought me a nice big bag of cheesy treats and a rather unusual collar that was in a kind of faux fur leopard-skin pattern. Pretty cool, I thought!

  We continued on our way and I could see the outline of the ship in the distance. However, when we arrived back at the square again Sheila decided that it was a bit late to go back for lunch on the ship and in any case she was so hot that she wasn’t really all that hungry. Me neither. So she picked out another of the coffee places that looked nice and took a seat outside, whilst I flopped down under the table in the shade. She ordered a large mug of her frothy favourite and a prawn roll. My ears pricked up at the word ‘prawn’, although I didn’t know what she meant by a roll - the only roll I knew about was the one I often do on the grass, but surely she can’t have meant that! Maybe the heat was making me confused. More than likely it was another mishmash of your human language, where one word means more than one thing, but I couldn’t be bothered to tax my brain in the heat by trying to work it out!

  As we sat there, waiting for the drink and the prawn roll, Sheila saw Margaret walking up. “Come and join us for a coffee. I’ve just ordered,” she said. “Yes, I’m dying for a drink,” panted Margaret, and she sat down at the table. No wonder she was sweating buckets, I thought. I noticed that since we had last seen her, her paper bag collection had grown to at least ten! A further coffee and roll ordered, we all sat peacefully. After begging for - and getting - a couple of prawns from each of them, I half closed my eyes and let the sound of their chatter lull me to sleep. All they seemed to be talking about was shopping, and it sounded as if Margaret virtually lived in the place called M & S whilst Sheila spent most of her time in another place called TKM. I wondered why they were talking in a kind of code! And what did the code letters stand for? I mused idly. M & S - perhaps the Mouse and Shrimp emporium? Well, that would be my favourite place to shop anyway! And TKM might be The Kipper Market. Well, I can dream, can’t I?

  Time went b
y and, refreshed and rested, we started on the journey back to the ship. It was still very hot, but they weren’t walking fast and so, despite being lumbered by my close-fitting fur coat, I didn’t get overheated. We passed the seat where I had chatted to Misty, but she wasn’t there. Pity, I thought. Nearer the dock we came to where the ill-mannered white and ginger tom had been sitting, but he wasn’t in sight either. Good, I thought! Finally we arrived at the big building behind which the ship lay waiting for us. We stood at the back of a long line of passengers and waited as they slowly shuffled forward, and I saw that the fierce-looking men in the drab outfits were making them walk through an archway and put all their belongings onto a moving platform, where they disappeared into a magic tunnel, similar to the one they’d had at Southampton. I sincerely hoped they’d not force me to go in the tunnel - they didn’t look so cheery as the officials at Southampton; in fact, they looked quite nasty, particularly a fat and sweaty one who was glowering quite openly at us. I prepared myself for a confrontation. I think Sheila did, too, as she pulled me closer to her and held tightly to my passport and papers.

  “Wait!” barked the official. “What’s that? You can’t bring that through!” Oh, here we go again, I sighed. Sheila gave her usual explanation and waved my passport at him. “You must wait here,” he responded with a frown. “I’m going to check this.” He waved Margaret on. “Shall I wait with you?” she said worriedly to Sheila, who replied that it was quite okay and she’d see her later. So Margaret gave me a comforting pat, whilst the official glared at her and told her to get a move on and hurry up. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” she snapped, returning his glare, “and don’t you dare tell me what to do either! Nobody does that and certainly not a lump like you!” Cheers and clapping came from the people waiting behind us and the nasty official had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “Come over here, you,” he said to Sheila. “I’ve never seen the likes of this before. A tourist with a cat, indeed!” “Well,” responded Sheila bristling, “Nobody worried at Southampton and nobody here stopped us when we came off the ship this morning.” (Another cheer came from behind!) “Truffles’ papers are all in order and here is her ship’s ID card as well. She’s a very important cat, specially invited on board, and that’s why she’s here!” “Oh, well,” the man blustered, “I suppose it will have to be okay, but the cat must go through the X-ray arch so we can see there’s nothing hidden in her collar.” “Oh, for goodness’ sake - we’ve nothing to hide!” said Sheila, and she dragged me through the archway. No unseen mice squeaked or pinged and we passed through with no problem. The official scowled at us, but said nothing more. His men behind him tittered. The passengers behind clapped. Sheila snatched up her stuff from the end of the magic tunnel. “He’s certainly got a serious attitude problem,” she said to Margaret, who was waiting on the other side. “Yes,” agreed Margaret, “We didn’t spend thousands on a cruise to be spoken to like that!” She’s really on her high horse now, I thought. “Oh, well,” said Sheila, “I suppose they’ve never seen a cat coming off a cruise ship before and they just didn’t know how to handle it. That bloke didn’t look very bright to me - more brawn than brain. Anyway, it won’t happen again. This was just the reason I decided not to take Truffles off at any other port - imagine if we’d had this little scene with some bunch of over-excited Italian or Spanish officials!” They laughed together and the tension eased.